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Abdullah's avatar

I appreciate the vulnerability and honesty in your writing. Opening up like this takes tremendous strength, and it shows just how deeply you are reflecting on your journey. To me, I don’t see a broken house or failure; I see resilience. I see someone striving, holding the pieces together with every ounce of strength, love, and care—qualities that Allah sees and rewards. What I see is a heart fighting to stay intact despite the challenges that life throws its way.

Personally, I have walked a path of self-doubt, where I sought validation from others, longing to be appreciated. But over time, I’ve come to adopt a philosophy rooted in the Sufi tradition: to seek the pleasure of Allah alone. As Sufis say, “God-pleasing is my religion.” It’s not easy, and I still struggle, especially with my own weaknesses and lapses in faith. But I’ve come to understand that true acknowledgment comes only from Allah, not people. We are taught that there are beings in the heavens whose purpose is to praise the ones whom Allah has chosen. Their praise is the only recognition that matters. This is what I strive for, even if I stumble along the way.

The hadith that resonates deeply with me is, “One who knows himself knows his Lord.” This is the essence of our journey—self-discovery. Perhaps this is why we feel such relief in moments of catharsis, like writing. Writing allows us to confront our true selves, beyond the layers of self-deception we often live behind. In uncovering our own soul, we inch closer to understanding Allah.

Speaking of the heart, it’s fascinating how science now confirms what the Quran has always emphasized. Recent studies have shown that the heart has its own nervous system, and in many ways, it can override the brain. The Sufis say that the heart is the real “CPU,” while the brain is merely a monitor. Allah constantly reminds us in the Quran to think and reflect with our hearts. “Do they not travel through the land so that their hearts may reason?” (Quran 22:46). The heart is the seat of true understanding and where the divine secrets are revealed.

On obedience to parents, the Quran is very clear: “And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy, and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small” (Quran 17:24). Even the smallest expression of irritation, like saying “uff,” is forbidden. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) once said that if his mother had been alive and called him while he was praying, he would have broken his prayer to answer her call. This shows the immense value Islam places on honoring our parents. So when you serve your mother, know that you are fulfilling one of the greatest commands of Allah. What you do is blessed, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Look at our exemplars in Islam, especially the women who embody strength through trial. Bibi Fatima (AS), despite being the beloved daughter of the Prophet (PBUH), lived a life of simplicity and hardship. She would grind grain with her own hands and tend to her household despite the heavy demands on her. And look at her daughter, Bibi Zainab (RA), who stood firm during the tragedy of Karbala, embodying courage and dignity. She was the daughter of Sher-e-Khuda (the Lion of God), Hazrat Ali (AS), and her strength in the face of overwhelming sorrow speaks volumes about the inner fortitude passed down through her lineage.

And then there’s the story of Awais Qarni(RA), whose obedience to his mother kept him from meeting the Prophet (PBUH) in person. His love for the Prophet was profound, yet his mother’s command came first. For this, the Prophet honored him, despite them never meeting in this world. The Prophet (PBUH) said that if anyone could meet Awais, they should ask him to pray for them. This shows the high regard the Prophet (PBUH) had for him and the spiritual status he held due to his devotion and obedience. Imagine being recognized by the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) himself, solely because of your obedience and love for your mother. What a maqam!

As for patience and endurance, look at the wife of Pharaoh, Asiya (RA), who lived in unimaginable luxury yet faced the most severe trials. She was married to the most tyrannical man, yet Allah elevated her because of her faith and patience. She stood as a beacon of light amidst the darkness. Allah says of her in the Quran: “And Allah sets forth an example for those who believe—the wife of Pharaoh. Behold, she said: ‘My Lord! Build for me, in nearness to You, a mansion in the Garden, and save me from Pharaoh and his deeds’” (Quran 66:11). Despite her suffering, her heart was fixed on Allah alone.

Bibi Mariam (AS), too, is a perfect example of one chosen by Allah, yet subjected to trials that would crush the average soul. The Quran says of her: “And remember when the angels said, ‘O Mary, indeed Allah has chosen you, purified you, and chosen you above the women of the worlds’” (Quran 3:42). Despite her high status, she endured immense pain, yet she remained steadfast, knowing that her trials were from Allah.

Remember the words of Abu Huraira (RA), who said, “When I came to know that those most beloved to Allah are tested the most, I took the pain with honor.”

You are on a journey, one that leads to becoming among the friend of Allah, those about whom He says: “Indeed, the friends of Allah will have no fear, nor will they grieve” (Quran 10:62). The Wali of Allah only fears Allah, and this fear removes all other fears. Keep striving, keep moving, because what you are doing, as long as it is for Allah, is a path that leads to freedom from all grief and fear.

May Allah grant you strength in this journey, and may you find the peace and tranquility of the heart that comes from drawing nearer to Him. May your struggles be a means of elevation, and may Allah make your heart the place where divine light settles.

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Leena S.'s avatar

MashaAllah, I am really amazed by your strength and resilience! That's a really difficult position to put in, thank you for sharing your experiences authentically. I know you said you feel like you're not being understood by the people around you, but you sharing your experiences is making someone else going through a similar situation feel seen and heard and understood. At least you are able to communicate your experiences profoundly in a way that someone else may find comfort in knowing that they are not alone in this experience. I definitely relate to holding on to hope to have a peaceful, loving household "one where you won't want to escape from, but one you'll want to escape to". May Allah grant us this blessing in this life and the next, Ameen!

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