my birthday present from Allah
He's truly the best of Providers
as most of you know, it was my birthday last week (read more here: today i'm 21 but have I really aged?). and, if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, you’ll have realised that i’m quite communicative with Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ — always talking to Him and asking Him for things, such as one of His names for my attribute of the month posts (which should be out next week for may Insha’Allah, i wanted to send this one out first!)
so, the night before my birthday, i was praying ishaa and i asked Allah to be the first One to give me a birthday present. i’ve mentioned before that i love to go to the Qur’an when i need some advice, and, after asking Allah for a verse, i open it on a random page, and there always is a verse that speaks to me and relates to my current situation or feeling, alhamdulillah. so, i told Him that when i finish praying, i’m going to go to the Qur’an and want Him to give me a nice verse as my present. i was so excited, i couldn’t wait and was trying not to smile in my prayer and focus. after i finished praying my sunnah, i didn’t even fold up my prayer mat. i just dashed to my Qur’an and opened it randomly.
it landed on the third and fourth page of surah Yunus, so the chapter had just started. now, when I open the Qur’an randomly like this, i always read through all the verses on the two pages infront of me to see which one resonates with me. and usually, one of them always does and i know that that’s the verse that was meant for me in that moment. but this time, i had a gut feeling that, since the beginning of the chapter is just the page before, i should just go back a page and read from the start. but i ignored it. instead, i tried hard to find my birthday present in the verses before me.
but… they were all scary:
And if Allah were to hasten for men the ill they have earned as they would hasten on the acquisition of wealth, the end of their term of life would have been already brought upon them. But We leave those who look not for the meeting with Us to wander distractedly in their transgression. (10:12)
And when trouble befalls a man, he calls on Us, lying on his side, or sitting, or standing; but when We have removed his trouble from him, he goes his way as though he had never called on Us for the removal of the trouble that befell him. (10:13)
Who is then more unjust than he who forges a lie against Allah or he who treats His Signs as lies? Surely, the guilty shall never prosper. (10:18)
i was so sad after seeing these. i thought i’d get something like ‘and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein’ (50:17). but the fact that i got verses so scary, i thought Allah was mad at me. especially after, like i mentioned in my post: iman: the ebbs and flows, my iman has been low since ramadan ended, so i thought that He was upset with me for that. and i was so disheartened. i think i even opened another page to see if i got something else, but i was so tired and didn’t even read it properly or remember what it was. i just closed the Qur’an and sulkily walked with my head down to fold up my prayer mat.
the next day, on my actual birthday, i thought that, since now it really is my birthday, Allah will give me a nice present. so, after praying fajr, i went back to the Qur’an again with the intention of Him giving me a verse and opened it at random. and, believe it or not, it opened perfectly at the beginning of surah Yunus. (just like when he repeatedly gave me the same chapter in the cure Allah handed me for my anxiety and i wasn’t taking the hint).
it was then that i realised that i asked for a verse but He gave me a chapter :) He wasn’t trying to show me a single verse, He wanted me to read the chapter. that’s why i had the gut feeling to just go to the page before and read it from the very beginning — as i’ve already mentioned in Communication is Key in Relationships that gut feelings and intuition play a big role in Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ communicating with us.
so, this week, i’ve been reading surah Yunus with the commentary1 to fully understand it. and i think i’m realising what Allah is telling me with His chapter, now that i’m 21, and what i need to do to improve and grow in this next chapter of my life. i decided to share it with you all :)
for context, as a child, i wasn’t always given consistent love. i felt like i had to earn it. i would look forward to birthday’s because i knew i would receive love then. i would try and do well in school and exams so i could receive love then. i would perform, people please, do things to be noticed and praised just so that i could feel like i’m loved and seen. and on any other day, i would feel so neglected, unnoticed, unappreciated.
the way this has manifested in my adult life is a deep, deep desire to have romantic love which has resulted in attachments—anxious attachment. i’ve been a people pleaser my whole life. i still put on performances so often. to this day, i still don’t feel like i can simply stand in a corner, doing absolutely nothing, and be worthy or good enough to be loved by plainly existing. partly because i (frustratingly) have a tendency to attract people who i end up having this same cycle with who show me inconsistent love that gets heightened when it’s my special day, when i’ve done something really good or i’ve said something really smart—but on an average, usual day, it’s like i don’t exist. which then reinforces the belief and feeling that i have to earn love, and i’ll try my best to stimulate an interesting conversation, or act really caring, or overlook things that hurt me so that i don’t feel neglected, can put aside my childhood trauma and practically beg to be shown love.
but this has made me chase and chase and chase to the point where it becomes my whole life— i dream of finally finding the one who will give me consistent love which will make me feel safe, i dream of true romance and love when i marry, i dream of having the rest of my life as the complete opposite to what my childhood was like. but what this has done is it’s made me attached to specific people or the idea of and desire for love—and this is where it crosses a very dangerous boundary and becomes a mini idol in my heart.
however, as i was closely reading surah Yunus, i quickly realised that Allah was giving me a message as i entered a new chapter in my life, in relation to this all, and was telling me how to change. what i got from it is:
the present life is absolutely nothing; it’s a mirage and illusion, so remove any attachments to certain people/things because Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ is the only One who is stable, consistent and un-changing—as opposed to the world and creation, which is volatile and can never truly be relied upon for security.
the main message is: trust Him
time for a little qur’an class to show how i realised this :)
part 1: what to change
And they worship, instead of Allah, that which neither harms them nor profits them; and they say, ‘These are our intercessors with Allah.’ Say, ‘Would you inform Allah of something He knows not in the heavens or in the earth?’ Holy is He, and high exalted above all that which they associate with Him. (10:19)
under the commentary i was reading for this verse, it was describing that people commit shirk because they fail to recognise the purpose of their creation. they have a false perception of Allah and His attributes, as well as their own God-given capabilities. they think that they cannot access God without an intermediary or that they cannot come near to Allah without a medium of someone who has already attained nearness to God (i.e: not even the prophets of Allah are intermediaries, they are only warners and messengers from Allah’s command).
there are a lot of things in life that people end up worshipping, either intentionally or unintentionally. these can include their wealth, ego, status, love and relationships/people (sigh, like me), their own desires etc. but the fact that Allah says ‘that which neither harms them nor profits them’ showed me that He is saying nothing that we have has the power to harm or benefit us—that power rests with Allah alone. it told me that it’s not a person who is going to give me the true consistency and security i’ve been craving my whole life; but that it only comes from Allah and that i shouldn’t look for fulfilment in worldly things or rely upon them.
as we know, Allah says ‘I have not created Jinn and man but that they may worship Me’ (51:57) — which is the true purpose of our creation. yet, worship does not just mean fulfilling the pillars of Islam and only praying, fasting etc. alongside that, there is so much more to it. this verse showed me that solely relying upon Allah and truly believing that fulfilment, security and consistency only lies with Him is a part of worship too. from the commentary, i also learnt that learning more about Allah and His attributes, and getting to know who He is on a greater level, will help with recognising this—as well as discovering my own God-given capabilities that allow me to attain His nearness.
“And if Allah touch thee with harm, there is none who can remove it but He: and if He desire good for thee, there is none who can repel His grace. He causes it to reach whomsoever of His servants He wills. And He is the Most Forgiving, Merciful” (10:108)
The likeness of the present life is only as water which We send down from the clouds, then there mingles with it the produce of the earth, of which men and cattle eat till, when the earth receives its ornature and looks beautiful and its owners think that they have power over it, there comes to it Our command by night or by day and We render it a field that is mown down, as if nothing had existed there the day before. Thus do We expound the Signs for a people who reflect (10:25)
i think this is my favourite verse in the whole surah. this verse is basically saying that this present life is like rain—it causes fruit and vegetation to grow on the earth, which we eat, it causes such beauty to grow with flowers and plants, which has medicinal benefits. but mankind thinks they have grown it with their own skill, rather than it being a favour from Allah. so then, when Allah wills, the grass becomes dry and barren, as if nothing had even existed on it before.
this verse is saying that the present life is an illusion. you see the beauty that comes from the world (like, for me, the beauty and happiness that comes from feeling and being loved) and you forget that everything comes from Allah. you can have happiness and, in a heartbeat, it can be taken away and hardship arrives. this life is a mirage; you think you’ve found or have something amazing and then it disappears from your fingertips just like that. it’s not constant. it’s not stable. it’s not consistent. and when it goes away, we can sometimes get so frustrated and angry and upset, when this life was never meant to stay consistently good in the first place. it’s not jannah.
what i got from this verse is that Allah is the only One who is constant and un-changing, He has the power to give and take and it all comes from Him. so, rather than relying on the present life, which is so volatile, rely only upon Him to fulfil your needs and grant you security. understand that whatever you are given or whatever is taken away won’t always be the same. it will always be changing.
And remember the day when We shall gather them all together, then shall We say to those who ascribed partners to God, “Stand back in your places, you and your ‘partners’”. Then We shall separate them widely, one from another, and their ‘partners’ will say: ‘It was not us that you worshipped! So Allah is now sufficient as a Witness between us and you. We were certainly unaware of your worship.’ (10:29-30)
this one scared the life out of me. imagine all the things that people are attached to manifesting and testifying on the day of judgement; wealth, ego, status, people, desires and they will say ‘i didn’t know you set me up as equal to God! Allah is my witness!’. at the end of the day, if there are no amends, it will only be you alone that will lose. the things or people that you’re attached to don’t even know you’re so attached to them and rely upon them to fulfil your needs instead of Allah. and, if nothing changes, you will go down alone. meanwhile, if it’s a person you’re attached to, they will happily make their way over to jannah.
but in the next few verses, Allah reminds us that only He provides sustenance for us, only He has power over us, only He brings forth the living from the death and the dead out of the living, only He governs all affairs, only He leads to the truth so we need to seek His protection only (10:32-36).
“Is then He Who leads to the truth more worthy to be followed or he who finds not the way himself unless he be guided? What, then, is the matter with you?” (10:36)
Behold! whoever is in the heavens and whoever is in the earth is Allah’s. Those who call on others than Allah do not really follow these ‘partners’; they follow only a conjecture, and they do nothing but guess (10:67)
again, this verse is saying that the things of this life is just an illusion—it’s a ‘conjecture’. an assumption, a guess, an illusion based on the temporary joy they bring. they were never meant to be worshipped. they were meant to be gifts. it showed me that it only appears to give me security but it’s just a conjecture. the only real, solid, unmoving, loving and consistent One is Allah Who provides true security.
the three stories towards the end of this surah of prophet Nuh (as), Musa (as) and Yunus (as) all show their people worshipping something else, too. the people of Nuh (as) worshipped idols. firaun worshipped his own ego and the people of Yunus (as) lived in an extremely wealthy city. yet, although the stories show, in chronological order, that first there was the total destruction of the enemies of truth, except a few, with Nuh’s ark, then the destruction of one half and the salvation of another — firaun’s people and the israelites, then finally the complete salvation from punishment of all people after the people of Yunus (as) repented and prayed for Allah’s forgiveness— it ultimately showed me that when you rely completely on Allah, trust Him and repent for your sins, you will be saved.
part 2: how to change
now that the scary verses are done, Allah also tells us in this chapter how to avoid worldly attachments and shirk. i’ve already mentioned about recognising the true purpose of your creation, understanding Allah through His attributes and repenting. Allah explains further in the following verses:
O mankind! there has indeed come to you an exhortation from your Lord and a cure for whatever disease there is in the hearts, and a guidance and a mercy to the believers. (10:58)
the commentary i read for this verse was explaining that the Qur’anic teaching deeply affects and touches the heart and teaches us to love and fear Allah. it says that no matter how low a person falls, there always is a desire for the truth that is inherent in man’s nature, and the Qur’an is this ‘guidance and mercy’ that comes to the rescue, removing all doubts from the heart.
for me, this entire post i’m writing is an example of the Qur’an’s power as a guidance, as two weeks ago i didn’t even know most of what i’m writing now. the lesson i took from this verse is to read the Qur’an more, not just with translation but with proper understanding through the commentary, and with reflection in relation to my own life— rather than simply memorising surahs. it reminds me of this saying by Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, one of the companions of our beloved Prophet ﷺ, who said:
“It was difficult for us to memorise the words of the Qur’an but easy for us to act by them. After us will be people for whom it will be easy to memorise the Qur’an, but hard to act by it”.
this is, unfortunately, the state of our world today. may Allah make it easy for us all to both memorise and act by the words we recite with complete sincerity, like the Sahabah, Ameen.
Behold! the friends of Allah shall certainly have no fear, nor shall they grieve — Those who believed and kept to righteousness — For them are glad tidings in the present life and also in the Hereafter — there is no changing the words of Allah; that indeed is the supreme triumph. (10:63-65).
this verse showed me that i will have good things in this life too and i don’t have to be panicked, anxious and grieve over the fact that the things i’m given will be taken away. as long as i truly believe in Allah, please Him and find security only in Him, while seeing everything else in life as a gift, rather than a giver, then it’s a double success—in this life and, most importantly, in the next.
And Moses said, ‘O my people, if you have believed in Allah, then in Him put your trust, if you indeed submit to His will.’ (10:85)
this is one of the verses that spoke to me the most as it’s not enough to just believe in Allah and leave it at that. trust in Him and His will and whatever is in store for you. Allah did part the sea for Musa (as) and his people, and save them from their hardship, did He not? :)
And I have also been commanded to say: ‘Set thy face toward religion as one ever inclined to God, and be not thou of those who ascribe partners to Him’ (10:106)
the commentary under this verse stated that our beloved Holy Prophet ﷺ isn’t being told to say ‘don’t worship idols’ here as, after one has been ‘ever inclined towards God,’ they wouldn’t worship false deities/idols—you already know who God is. rather, this is saying not to give any thought or attention to things/beings other than God after this, and to not rely on the things of this world. so, set your face towards religion as one ever inclined to God and keep it there.
And let not their words grieve thee. Surely, all power belongs to Allah. He is the All-Hearing, the All-Knowing (10:66)
this is one of my favourite verses in the whole Qur’an. in this context, i took this to be ‘don’t be upset when people don’t show you the consistent love you’ve always wanted and say things that hurt you’. as He’s there and listening, knows how i feel and has the power to provide for me and loves me more than I could ever imagine.
so, overall, my present was Allah telling me that i need to recognise, understand and accept the impermanence of life and the creation, and trust in the permanence of Allah. to rely only upon Him and to not be so anxious and sad when the creation lets me down multiple times. to trust that true security and peace lies with Allah—the only One who is never changing and always consistent. and to understand that maybe i really will get what i’ve wanted my whole life and will be given a love that isn’t inconsistent all the time, but to recognise first that it cannot be what fulfils me and what i rely upon for security before He allows me to have it.
and, alhamdulilah, it was the best present ever :)
Grab a Blessing:
Hasbunallahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel x3
(Allah is enough for me and He is the best disposer of my affairs)
jazakallah for reading! may Allah make it easy for us to sincerely rely upon Him for everything, Ameen. sending lots of love,
— SabrGirl ♡
all commentary mentioned has been taken from: Mirza Bashiruddin Mahmud Ahmad, The Holy Quran with English Translation and Commentary, Volume 3: Surah Yunus-Surah Kahf (Islam International Publications, 1988).
Assalamu Alaikum! Jazakillah khairan for sharing all the gems you learnt. Really enjoyed this piece.
May Allah grant you His love and the love of those He loves. Amin Ya Wadud 💓