This was such a beautiful read! Looking at myself now, I realize my struggle lies in the constant chase for more money. No matter how much I earn, it never feels like enough. The moment I land one job, I’m already searching for the next, always looking for ways to make more. This has made me pause and reflect on what I’ve been prioritizing—perhaps even idolizing. Thank you so much for this.
thank you for reading :) and Masha’Allah, your reflection shows that you have really good self awareness! not everyone can realise that about themselves so quickly. now you just have to ask yourself how you can direct that to worshipping Allah instead.
maybe it’s trying hard to earn His abundance and provision that isn’t always money but also can be blessings, an increased rank in His eyes… etc. or learning how to be more content with the wealth He gives you as He said ‘if you are grateful, I will give you more’ (14:8). or maybe something you’ve figured out already! may Allah make it easy for us to detach from what we have subconsciously been idolising and only worship Him, Ameen 🩷
Jazakallah for writing about this. I am definitely not eligible to be married right now, but this is topic of turning marriage into shirk is something people should talk more about. Marriage is romanticized and idealized so much. Sometimes even in Muslims. All romance books and shows portray romance as something in which your partner is your EVERYTHING and they're soulmates and bla bla. But Allah should be and deserves to be at the top of our list of love. I once saw part of a lecture where the person said that marriage is a golden triangle with Allah at the top and the spouses at the bottom corners. As the spouses get closer to Allah (the top) they automatically get closer to each other as well ✨️
May Allah guide us all, forgive us and gift us with righteous spouses. Ameen
and yes it's true - it really is romanticised. but that's not a bad thing until it does become shirk and something you cannot live without. soulmates are also beautiful and not just romantic but they shouldn't be worshipped.
yessss i really love that triangle! it's such a beautiful way of looking at marriage. may we live by that when we're married, Ameen ♡
Can I hug you, can I give you a kiss on the forehead⁉️ You actually had me crying on the train as I was reading this article. SubhanAllah I’ve been saying some of these EXACT words to myself in the past few months (I’m pretty sure I have articles on here where I wrote them out) and I’m so proud of myself for the work that I’ve been putting in to reshape my mind with said words but something about hearing it from someone else is oh so validating and gratifying. It feels more real all of the sudden seeing that a fellow sister has drawn the same conclusions. I am so so so scared of failing to break the generational cycle but, as you said, Allah’s GOT ME. InshAllah these reminders our etched into our very souls and hearts and we can be a part of the generation to teach this way of thinking. InshAllah with whatever progress I make on this journey, you get rewarded for the impact of your words. Ameen ya rabb.
awww that's so sweet. it's so nice to know my writing can have that effect! wow. and subhanallah what a coincidence! i'm so proud of you too. it seems great minds think alike ;)
Allah HAS got you!!!!!! so tightly. Ameen, Allahumma Ameen.
thank you for your kindness, for reading and for commenting. it means more to me than i could ever express in words :( jazakallah khair. what a wonderful thing to wake up to, it's really made my whole day! sending so much love 🩷
This post felt like the BIGGEST warm hug that I needed as I’ve been worried about something which doesn’t deserve as much space in my time and energy as I know Allah has willed better for myself and the other person involved, thank you as always for being such a source of hope and light ilysm :’)
i'm so sorry to hear you were worried. i'm honoured that this post comforted you. Allah definitely has willed better for you. and thank YOU for always being a shining light on my blog (and on the planet).
I totally agree, seeking love and validation from Allah is the cure for the desperation we feel. But Allah put a desire for romantic relationships in our hearts for a purpose as well but we can't make that the centre of our existence. At the end of the day everything in this world is fleeting and attaching ourselves too much to it will lead to low self-esteem, like you mentioned. Great reflection, may Allah make it easy for us to keep our intentions sincere.
Subhan’Allah. This is exactly what I needed today. AlhamduliLlah for the subtle ways of Al-Lateef that He allowed me to read this. Jazakillahu khairan for writing this. Your posts are always so wholesome and heartwarming 🫂🤍
The reason I am on Substack..read n support the right ideas. I pray small voices here will carry far into hearts who need the correction and guidance. Indeed to correct the world you need to correct the community, to correct the community u must correct the family, to correct the family u must correct the tongue, to correct u must correct the mind...
Omg this was such a beautiful read I’ve been keeping up with you on tumblr for a while, I’m 32 and everything you mentioned in this piece just gave me a sense of reality my focus is in the wrong place I so desperately want to get married and have kids but been struggling with a spouse sometimes I blame
Myself for not getting married when the opportunity presented itself but your piece just reminded me that Allah is in control and there’s no to regret the past.
thank you so much! omg, i've been so inactive on tumblr - i need to come back! i find it so difficult to stay focused on two platforms at once haha so i've been focused on my blog on here for a year now. but thank you so much for keeping up with me and for the support - that makes me so happy and warm inside :') ♡ sending love
and ahhh alhamdulillah. it's not your fault at all. people are also telling me: 'you're getting proposals now so consider them, when you get older you won't get as many as right now' but that is a lack mindset. i'm sure you didn't take the opportunity when it presented itself for a reason so trust that. who's to say you would be so happy and blessed right now if you did? either way you can't go back to the past. and as you said, there's no point in regretting it now.
Allah is Ar-Razzaq the Provider and also Al-Haadi, the Guide. He both provides and guides us towards the right thing. may He grant you your heart's desire in the most beautiful way and also allow us to fill in the void and fear we have inside us with Him completely, Ameen.
“if the purpose of getting married is to have children,” i said, “then… why is infertility a thing?
This caught me off guard.
And here is how it goes on in me.
“If the purpose of life is to be smart, and earned title professor, then why are there failures?”
Is it just how the apple and the donkey situation is? The apple been dangled just in front of the donkey, just a little bit out of its reach, not so far yet not near enough, like a sadistic torture, just in order for the “donkey” to learn more sabr, while seeing other donkeys got their apples, eating just in front of its face so that the sabr level got even more elevated?
Reading your post (was trying to cite here and there and suddenly thinking how am i about to cite most part of the post? 😆 barakAllahu feek dear sister) , got me thinking.
So its not about getting myself the respected scholar title. Yes it can be in itself, blessed. However if i make it as my life vision board, then problem arise.
And i got another wisdom here as well mashaa Allah. When you said that part about saidatina Aisyah r.a.
Maybe, the quest is not about in having as much path in amal jariah i can get out of the three pathways. But to be mindful of what i already have in my hands, as amanah, Chosen by Allah.
alhamdulillah :') "it can be in itself, blessed. However if i make it as my life vision board, then problem arise" - you've got it! exactly :) being a professor is great and wonderful but making it your life's purpose enters the dangerous territory. alhamdulillah, i'm really glad you're having this realisation :') may you get the title of professor but i pray that striving for and knowing you have a high status and title in the eyes of Allah, and only Allah, is what fulfils you inside, Ameen ♡
wa iyyaki! sending so much love. thank you for reading, reflecting and leaving this sweet comment 🩷
What a beautiful and accurate read! Couldn’t agree more with everything you said, but Subhan’Allah whenever we dare exposing this point of view online, we see so many people despising it, as if indeed the sole purpose of your life is to get married/have kids. Allah has planned so much more for each of us and while of course marriage is a beautiful act of ‘ibadah, it’s so frustrating to see Muslims being 1. So obsessed with it and 2. Assuming that your value is defined by it. May Allah make it easy for all of us and guide us!
Such a great read! I’ve been married for 3 years and all I get asked is when I am having children. My husband and I have not tried for children yet and I have family members claiming I am infertile or weird for wanting to wait longer. You are definitely right, even after you get married the questioning never stops!
Hi Farah, I do ask people when they r planning kids.. The reason however is becoz I want women to experience the joy in being a mother. If course other people may have their own reasons..which can irritate. Also motherhood has expiry date so people may be concerned..On one occasion I have seen someone delay motherhood n then regret it badly coz her fertility was affected n then despite years of treatment it never happened for her.
This was such a beautiful read! Looking at myself now, I realize my struggle lies in the constant chase for more money. No matter how much I earn, it never feels like enough. The moment I land one job, I’m already searching for the next, always looking for ways to make more. This has made me pause and reflect on what I’ve been prioritizing—perhaps even idolizing. Thank you so much for this.
thank you for reading :) and Masha’Allah, your reflection shows that you have really good self awareness! not everyone can realise that about themselves so quickly. now you just have to ask yourself how you can direct that to worshipping Allah instead.
maybe it’s trying hard to earn His abundance and provision that isn’t always money but also can be blessings, an increased rank in His eyes… etc. or learning how to be more content with the wealth He gives you as He said ‘if you are grateful, I will give you more’ (14:8). or maybe something you’ve figured out already! may Allah make it easy for us to detach from what we have subconsciously been idolising and only worship Him, Ameen 🩷
Ameen ameen 🤲
Thank you so much! It’s something I’ll have to start working on.
Jazakallah for writing about this. I am definitely not eligible to be married right now, but this is topic of turning marriage into shirk is something people should talk more about. Marriage is romanticized and idealized so much. Sometimes even in Muslims. All romance books and shows portray romance as something in which your partner is your EVERYTHING and they're soulmates and bla bla. But Allah should be and deserves to be at the top of our list of love. I once saw part of a lecture where the person said that marriage is a golden triangle with Allah at the top and the spouses at the bottom corners. As the spouses get closer to Allah (the top) they automatically get closer to each other as well ✨️
May Allah guide us all, forgive us and gift us with righteous spouses. Ameen
wa iyyaki! thank you for reading :)
and yes it's true - it really is romanticised. but that's not a bad thing until it does become shirk and something you cannot live without. soulmates are also beautiful and not just romantic but they shouldn't be worshipped.
yessss i really love that triangle! it's such a beautiful way of looking at marriage. may we live by that when we're married, Ameen ♡
Ameen ✨
Can I hug you, can I give you a kiss on the forehead⁉️ You actually had me crying on the train as I was reading this article. SubhanAllah I’ve been saying some of these EXACT words to myself in the past few months (I’m pretty sure I have articles on here where I wrote them out) and I’m so proud of myself for the work that I’ve been putting in to reshape my mind with said words but something about hearing it from someone else is oh so validating and gratifying. It feels more real all of the sudden seeing that a fellow sister has drawn the same conclusions. I am so so so scared of failing to break the generational cycle but, as you said, Allah’s GOT ME. InshAllah these reminders our etched into our very souls and hearts and we can be a part of the generation to teach this way of thinking. InshAllah with whatever progress I make on this journey, you get rewarded for the impact of your words. Ameen ya rabb.
omg yes! yes you can! :')
awww that's so sweet. it's so nice to know my writing can have that effect! wow. and subhanallah what a coincidence! i'm so proud of you too. it seems great minds think alike ;)
Allah HAS got you!!!!!! so tightly. Ameen, Allahumma Ameen.
thank you for your kindness, for reading and for commenting. it means more to me than i could ever express in words :( jazakallah khair. what a wonderful thing to wake up to, it's really made my whole day! sending so much love 🩷
Wa iyyaki babe, wa iyyaki 😙🫶
This post felt like the BIGGEST warm hug that I needed as I’ve been worried about something which doesn’t deserve as much space in my time and energy as I know Allah has willed better for myself and the other person involved, thank you as always for being such a source of hope and light ilysm :’)
ahhhh :') ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
i'm so sorry to hear you were worried. i'm honoured that this post comforted you. Allah definitely has willed better for you. and thank YOU for always being a shining light on my blog (and on the planet).
sending hugs. ilysm too 🫂🩷
I totally agree, seeking love and validation from Allah is the cure for the desperation we feel. But Allah put a desire for romantic relationships in our hearts for a purpose as well but we can't make that the centre of our existence. At the end of the day everything in this world is fleeting and attaching ourselves too much to it will lead to low self-esteem, like you mentioned. Great reflection, may Allah make it easy for us to keep our intentions sincere.
definitely! alhamdulillah. thank you for reading and leaving this comment! ♡
thank you so much, Ameen. sending love 🩷
Subhan’Allah. This is exactly what I needed today. AlhamduliLlah for the subtle ways of Al-Lateef that He allowed me to read this. Jazakillahu khairan for writing this. Your posts are always so wholesome and heartwarming 🫂🤍
alhamdulillah :') i'm so happy to hear that. wa iyyaki, thank you for much for your kind words 🥺🩷
Very insightful. Your coach sounds great and it’s a very profound paradigm shift you’ve had masha’allah.
thank you so much! she really is :) alhamdulillah. jazakallah khair for your kind comment
The reason I am on Substack..read n support the right ideas. I pray small voices here will carry far into hearts who need the correction and guidance. Indeed to correct the world you need to correct the community, to correct the community u must correct the family, to correct the family u must correct the tongue, to correct u must correct the mind...
thank you so much! Ameen. and definitely ♡ ♡
Do you have your own Facebook page I can follow I have been trying to change my Facebook algorithm lately...
no i don’t unfortunately, i don’t use social media except for substack and tumblr haha
Oh alright it's cool
Omg this was such a beautiful read I’ve been keeping up with you on tumblr for a while, I’m 32 and everything you mentioned in this piece just gave me a sense of reality my focus is in the wrong place I so desperately want to get married and have kids but been struggling with a spouse sometimes I blame
Myself for not getting married when the opportunity presented itself but your piece just reminded me that Allah is in control and there’s no to regret the past.
thank you so much! omg, i've been so inactive on tumblr - i need to come back! i find it so difficult to stay focused on two platforms at once haha so i've been focused on my blog on here for a year now. but thank you so much for keeping up with me and for the support - that makes me so happy and warm inside :') ♡ sending love
and ahhh alhamdulillah. it's not your fault at all. people are also telling me: 'you're getting proposals now so consider them, when you get older you won't get as many as right now' but that is a lack mindset. i'm sure you didn't take the opportunity when it presented itself for a reason so trust that. who's to say you would be so happy and blessed right now if you did? either way you can't go back to the past. and as you said, there's no point in regretting it now.
Allah is Ar-Razzaq the Provider and also Al-Haadi, the Guide. He both provides and guides us towards the right thing. may He grant you your heart's desire in the most beautiful way and also allow us to fill in the void and fear we have inside us with Him completely, Ameen.
I am you and you are me. Same situation. Same thoughts. Allah give us righteous spouses 🥺
“if the purpose of getting married is to have children,” i said, “then… why is infertility a thing?
This caught me off guard.
And here is how it goes on in me.
“If the purpose of life is to be smart, and earned title professor, then why are there failures?”
Is it just how the apple and the donkey situation is? The apple been dangled just in front of the donkey, just a little bit out of its reach, not so far yet not near enough, like a sadistic torture, just in order for the “donkey” to learn more sabr, while seeing other donkeys got their apples, eating just in front of its face so that the sabr level got even more elevated?
Reading your post (was trying to cite here and there and suddenly thinking how am i about to cite most part of the post? 😆 barakAllahu feek dear sister) , got me thinking.
So its not about getting myself the respected scholar title. Yes it can be in itself, blessed. However if i make it as my life vision board, then problem arise.
And i got another wisdom here as well mashaa Allah. When you said that part about saidatina Aisyah r.a.
Maybe, the quest is not about in having as much path in amal jariah i can get out of the three pathways. But to be mindful of what i already have in my hands, as amanah, Chosen by Allah.
Jazakillahul khayr sister. BarakAllahu feek
alhamdulillah :') "it can be in itself, blessed. However if i make it as my life vision board, then problem arise" - you've got it! exactly :) being a professor is great and wonderful but making it your life's purpose enters the dangerous territory. alhamdulillah, i'm really glad you're having this realisation :') may you get the title of professor but i pray that striving for and knowing you have a high status and title in the eyes of Allah, and only Allah, is what fulfils you inside, Ameen ♡
wa iyyaki! sending so much love. thank you for reading, reflecting and leaving this sweet comment 🩷
i loved this so much
thank you for reading :') ♡
I love this so much very insightful and thought-provoking..😌
jazakallah khair :')
Thanks for writing really hit hard
thank you for reading :)
Subhan Allah! Tremendously explained!
jazakallah khair, thank you for reading 🩷
What a beautiful and accurate read! Couldn’t agree more with everything you said, but Subhan’Allah whenever we dare exposing this point of view online, we see so many people despising it, as if indeed the sole purpose of your life is to get married/have kids. Allah has planned so much more for each of us and while of course marriage is a beautiful act of ‘ibadah, it’s so frustrating to see Muslims being 1. So obsessed with it and 2. Assuming that your value is defined by it. May Allah make it easy for all of us and guide us!
thank you so much! :) i really appreciate it.
and honestly, it's so true. it really is so frustrating to see.
Ameen!
Such a great read! I’ve been married for 3 years and all I get asked is when I am having children. My husband and I have not tried for children yet and I have family members claiming I am infertile or weird for wanting to wait longer. You are definitely right, even after you get married the questioning never stops!
thank you for reading! and supporting :(((
ugh that's so annoying, i'm sorry you have to deal with that. you can absolutely take your time - it's YOUR life and YOU'RE going to be raising them!
sending much love ♡.
Hi Farah, I do ask people when they r planning kids.. The reason however is becoz I want women to experience the joy in being a mother. If course other people may have their own reasons..which can irritate. Also motherhood has expiry date so people may be concerned..On one occasion I have seen someone delay motherhood n then regret it badly coz her fertility was affected n then despite years of treatment it never happened for her.