june - attribute of the month
on shadow work, journaling, reflecting and acting
salam everyone! happy june!! time seems to be fleeting this year. it feels as though i’m writing these monthly attributes every other week. yet, as always, i asked Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ to give me one of His attributes that will match june, what it will be about, and also what we should reflect on. after spinning the attribute wheel, it landed on Al-Mu’izz, The Honourer, The Bestower.
the word ‘mu’izz’ comes from the root ayn-zay-zay (ع ز ز), which has the following connotations: to be elevated, high, exalted, powerful, respected and mighty.
getting this attribute was another coincidence for me, like always. before i had spun the wheel, i was on the phone to my mum that morning and was telling her about how you can try and try and try your absolute hardest, until the sun comes up and the cows come home, for whatever you want to happen or work. but even then, you have no control and are completely powerless because only Allah allows things to happen; only He has full control, only He has that power. then, an hour later, i spun the wheel and got Al-Mu’izz, which reminded me again that Allah is the only One who can honour you. no one and nothing else.
my whole life, i’ve always been performative. not in a religious sense but i’ve always acted in different ways so that people can see and like me in life. i always was quite different, but i eventually ended up wanting to be, and i took it to the extreme where i’ve always tried my best to stand out, to be different, and to have a specific niche so that i can be seen, liked and honoured. so that i can be original and people can see or think of something and say, ‘this is sabrgirl’s, this is her thing’. i remember i really started to understand why i'm like this last year, after a moment i had with one of my best friends.
she had come into my room and saw my signature perfume that i always wear and asked to smell it. she thought it was really nice and then told me that she was going to ask for it as a present from her family, and i immediately started to get really upset and defensive. i didn’t want her to get it and we had started bickering.
she saw how much it really annoyed me that she was going to get the same perfume and just left the room. but afterwards, i felt so bad at how i was mad at her for no reason and was so confused as to why i felt that way. it was just perfume… but it was my perfume.
if there’s one emotion that i can’t deal with, it’s guilt. i hate sitting with guilt—i have to do something about it, fix what i’ve done and make amends. so, i decided to get out my journal and process my feelings. i wrote everything down: how much it annoyed me that she was going to get the same perfume as me and how much i felt triggered. then i asked myself, why do i feel this way?
and it was then that i started tapping into my most deep-rooted fears based on things that had happened in my childhood. i realised that i want myself to have things that are specifically mine, because a big, life-changing thing that happened when i was young made me develop a fear that i’ll be replaced and am replaceable. and, because of this fear, i want to be original.
i want a perfume that is so original and is my smell. i want to be the only person in a room that is wearing pink from head to toe. i want to be xyz, have xyz, and like xyz—things that are so original and distinct that they're mine. i felt like if i am different enough, have a specific personality and have a niche, i’ll never be able to be replaced—it’ll be too hard for someone to do that.
i never understood why i was like this but, after sitting down and properly journalling about it for a while, it all started to make sense. i started to relate this to a lot of things i do/have in my life, which aren't necessarily bad in itself, but are ways i subconsciously try my best to be seen and appreciated. so, i had gotten upset and triggered because, deep down inside, i was scared that if she got the same perfume as me, she’d replace me. even though i knew that, of course, she won’t, and i don’t even see her and have never seen her as competition (which was why it was all the more confusing), i realised that it was my ego that i was listening to which made me feel so scared in the moment, and it manifested as annoyance.
after processing my feelings and making this discovery, i texted my friend and apologised for how i acted. that night, when she got home again, me, her and my other best friend sat down, and i told them about this shadow work and what i discovered; i explained why i acted in that way and why it made me feel triggered. i felt safe enough to delve deep into my childhood and specific events that happened which explained why i felt that way.
and, after many tears, hugs and comfort, they both understood and helped me understand that i don’t need to feel this way, i don’t need to try and stand out so that people can see and like me; that i can like all the things i do and have them but not feel like i need them to be seen and loved. that even if i was so similar to everyone else, i would still be my own person and would still be seen standing in the back corner of a room and be worthy enough to be loved.
that whole event makes me think of Al-Mu’izz as it’s a reminder for me that nothing and no one in this life can honour you and win you approval, esteem and admiration from others except Allah. sometimes we want the creation or worldly things to honour us and make people like us: reputation, status, money, success, a spouse, education, etc. and people go so far as to chase these things and end up worshipping their ego—which may sometimes let them appear honoured in this life, but is so dishonourable in the eyes of Allah Azzawajal and brings about the biggest humiliation in the next life. sometimes even in both lives.
or, it might not even be a chase for materialistic things for some people. people can hurt you, disrespect you and try to bring you and your value/worth down, and as a result, sometimes people feel as though they have to act in certain ways or do certain things to prove a point and show the world their value. but ultimately, Allah is the Only One who has the power to honour you. look at how the Quraish tried their hardest to humiliate the Prophet ﷺ but they couldn’t. Allah honoured him and still honours him ﷺ more than anyone else on this earth. only Allah has the power to give and take away honour:
Say, ‘O Allah, Lord of sovereignty, You give sovereignty to whoever You please; and You take away sovereignty from whoever You please. You honour whoever You please and You abase whoever You please. In Your hand is all good. You surely have power to do all things’. (3:27)
Whoso desires honour, then let him know that all honour belongs to Allah. Unto Him ascend good words, and righteous work does He exalt. And those who plot evils — for them is a severe punishment; and the plotting of such will perish. (35:11)
this means: only rely upon Allah and trust that He sees and will honour you and let that be enough.
there’s a hadith that comforts me a lot when someone hurts me, my ego feels bruised and i feel a desire to try and prove my worth:
the Prophet ﷺ said,
Allah said, 'I will declare war against him who shows hostility to a pious worshipper/friend of Mine. And the most beloved things with which My slave comes nearer to Me, is what I have enjoined upon him; and My slave keeps on coming closer to Me through performing Nawafil (praying or doing extra deeds besides what is obligatory) till I love him, so I become his sense of hearing with which he hears, and his sense of sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he grips, and his leg with which he walks; and if he asks Me, I will give him, and if he asks My protection, I will protect him; and I do not hesitate to do anything as I hesitate to take the soul of the believer, for he hates death, and I hate to disappoint him." (Sahih al-Bukhari 6502)
ultimately, honour does not stem from worldly things and approval of others—it stems from nearness to Allah and being His friend—doing good, voluntary deeds to please Him. as a result, if someone treats you badly and you’re truly His friend, He will declare war on them. i.e, He will honour you. if you please Allah, you will become so close to Him in all senses and He will honour you. especially in the next life.
i love all the things i love in this life and i do have things that remind the people in my life about me. but i’ve been learning to no longer need them or achievements to honour me. i’m learning that i don’t need to desperately try and prove myself as an amazing person to be seen—because that will never provide me with honour, esteem and approval in this life or the next. on the contrary, it’s the times in the middle of the night when no one else can see me and i get out of bed, turn on my lamp, squint my eyes and stand up to pray. it’s the times when no one else can see me and i turn to Allah and pour out my heart to Him. it’s the times when no one else can hear me except Allah and the angels when i recite the Qur’an. it’s the times when no one else can see me when i struggle and strive to please Allah. i’m learning that it’s these that will bring me honour because they will please Allah. and if Al-Mu’izz, the Honourer, is pleased, then He will surely grant that honour.
Holy is thy Lord, the Lord of Honour and Power, far above that which they assert (37:181)
now it’s time for you to reflect :)
Prompts/Reflections:
do you crave honour from worldly things or the creation? if yes, why is that? acknowledging and understanding the reason behind it is the first step to making a change. what’s happened in your life that’s made you feel like having/doing xyz will make you feel/be honoured?
how can you try and shift away from worldly things/the creation and make yourself want and get honour from Allah, Al-Mu’izz instead? more nawafil prayers/dhikr/reading Qur’an? make an action plan!
if Allah is Al-Mu’izz and we know that pleasing Him is better than pleasing others (and will ultimately let people be pleased with us anyway), why is it that we sometimes tend to gain approval from others? what is it about other people admiring us and thinking of us in a positive light that makes us want it so badly sometimes? how can that be shifted to wanting it badly from Allah Azzawajal instead?
Grab a Blessing:
la hawla wa la quwwata illah billah
(there is no power and no strength except with Allah)Rabbana atina fid dunya hasanatan wa fil akhirati hasanatan waqina ‘adhaban-nar
(our Lord, grant us good in this world as well as good in the world to come, and protect us from the torment of the Fire)
check out previous attribute of the month’s while you’re here!
jazakallah for reading! i pray you’re all doing well. this time of year is always my favourite—the end of spring and beginning of summer; the days are slowly beginning to get hotter, but it’s not too hot and not too cold.
i’ve also started a digital detox! i tucked my iphone away and traded it for this cute, pink nokia flip :)
it’s been quite weird and, my goodness, incredibly boring. without social media (minus substack, of course, and tumblr for islamic content), without a phone and without talking to many people online anymore, i’ve realised there is so much time in my day as i’ve reclaimed the four or five hours of screen time i initially had. especially as i’ve finished university now, i’ll end up doing so much—even washing my dishes immediately rather than saying i’ll do them later—and after all that, i’ll check the time and it’s only 2pm. even when i can’t sleep at night, i just have to stare at the ceiling as i don’t have a device to scroll. but after a week in, i’m already getting used to the silence, to the boredom, to the simplicity. i’m starting to enjoy it and allowing all the noise in my head to subside. it’s nice :)
i’m learning to stay present. to leave the future in the Hands of Allah, where it belongs. to accept the past for what it was. and to stay in the moment, enjoy the silence, feel grateful for existing and worship Allah here and now. sending much love and wishing you all eternal sunshine,
— SabrGirl ♡
Good read !