when The Delayer delays the wisdom behind your hardship

april - attribute of the month

after asking Allah (SWT) to give me an attribute that i need to reflect on and remember this month, i spun the attribute wheel and it landed on Al-Mu’akhir - The Delayer.

mu’akhir comes from the arabic root of hamza-kha-ra (أ خ ر) and has the following connotations: to retreat, to drive back, to delay, to go back, to put behind or after, to cause, to postpone or put off.

looking at this attribute on the screen, i didn’t understand what Allah was trying to tell me. every single attribute that i’ve gotten each month for over a year has always been truly reflective of my current life experience, and has always been exactly what i needed to hear, so i knew i was given ‘The Delayer’ for a reason. yet, when i saw what the wheel had landed on, i immediately scrunched up my face and said to myself ‘…the delayer?’

the delayer… what is Allah delaying in my life?

when i searched for articles on this attribute, almost all of them talked about how Allah delays the punishment for the wrongdoers and disbelievers until the day of judgement, and also gives us time to repent for our sins. but i already reflected on that last month when the attribute was on patience, i said to myself. so, what is Allah delaying in my life?

finally, it clicked for me when i remembered that i had a breakdown last week over a specific situation that has been stressing me out. when i calmed down a few days ago, i posted this before i even knew what this month’s attribute was:

this is a story about the delay of greater, divine wisdom behind circumstances that don’t initially make sense—which can only be understood through having patience. subhanallah, what a beautiful connection between last month’s attribute which was As-Sabur, the All-Patient and this month, Al-Mu’akhir, the Delayer.

the story between Musa (as) and Khidr (as) is as follows:

“Then they found one of Our servants (Khidr) upon whom We had bestowed Our mercy, and whom We had taught knowledge from Ourself.

Moses said to him, ‘May I follow you on condition that you teach me of the guidance which you have been taught?’

He (Khidr) replied, ‘You cannot keep company with me in patience. And how can you be patient with what is beyond your realm of knowledge?’

He (Moses) said, ‘You will find me, if Allah please, patient and I shall not disobey any command of yours.’

He said, ‘Well, if you will follow me, then ask me no questions about anything till I myself speak to you concerning it.’

So they both set out till, when they embarked in a boat, he tore it open. Moses said, ‘Have you torn it open to drown those who are in it? Surely, you have done an evil thing.’

He replied, ‘Did I not tell you that you would not be able to keep company with me in patience?’

Moses said, ‘Do not blame me for my forgetting and be not hard on me for this lapse of mine.’

So they journeyed on till, when they met a young boy, he slew him. Moses said, ‘Have you slain an innocent person without his having slain any one? Surely, you have done a hideous thing!’

He replied, ‘Did I not tell you that you would not be able to keep company with me in patience?’

Moses said, ‘If I ask you concerning anything after this, keep me not in your company, for then you will have gotten sufficient excuse from me.’

So they went on till, when they came to the people of a town, they asked its people for food, but they refused to make them their guests. And they found therein a wall which was about to fall, and he repaired it.

Moses said, ‘If you had desired, you could’ve taken payment for it.’

He (Khidr) said, ‘This is the parting of ways between me and you. I will now tell you the meaning of that which you were unable to bear with patience:

‘As for the boat, it belonged to certain poor people who worked on the sea; and I desired to damage it, for there was behind them a king, who seized every boat by force.

‘And as for the youth, his parents were believers, and we feared lest he should cause them trouble through rebellion and disbelief. So we desired that their Lord should give them in exchange a child better than him in purity and closer in filial affection.

‘And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town, and beneath it was a treasure belonging to them, and their father had been a righteous man, so your Lord desired that they should reach their age of full strength and take out their treasure, as a mercy from your Lord; and I did it not of my own accord. This is the explanation of that which you were unable to bear with patience.’” (18:66-83).

this story has been bringing me great comfort during a time where i feel incredibly lost and confused. by reflecting on the beautiful name of Al-Mu’akhir, i’m understanding what it means to not have the answers yet but still trusting in Allah’s plan and knowing inside that everything is happening is for a greater reason beyond my current understanding.

as you may already know from previous posts of mine, there’s a proposal from america that certain family members are encouraging and insisting me to consider. however, like i’ve mentioned before, packing up my life and moving to america is something that i just don’t want to do. and while they may not mean to pressure me, their words have been making me feel incredibly stressed out, panicked and unheard.