reflections: emotions, retreats, community
a diary entry type post for a change
salam everyone :)
today’s post is different from my usual ones — it’s more like a diary entry than anything. I do have a couple of other posts queued up, but they didn’t feel very much like me at the moment, and I thought I could just write something up in the spur of the moment instead.
over the weekend, I had a retreat at the mosque in the countryside, where I met so many beautiful and kind girls and was able to make such wonderful friendships. it overwhelmed me how comforting and peaceful it is to have a community — to meet a bunch of strangers and still share so many things in common through Islam. to know and see that there are so many Muslims all around the world having such an intense and strong passion for their belief in Allah and Islam. in a world where we have so much hate and hate towards us, it still doesn’t defeat us. love always wins. Allah always wins. our numbers still rise.
I had to hide in the bathroom to cry (you can always count on me to pour out a river, even at the tiniest thing like hearing the adhan. I find it quite embarrassing, really!) at feeling so overwhelmed with joy, just thinking to myself, how lucky am I to be blessed with Islam? we really are so fortunate, alhamdulillah.
when we were all meant to go to sleep, I was talking to some of the girls I was sharing a room with instead, and we began to discuss the Qur’an and how incredible it is to have the direct words of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ in our very hands. something one of the lovely girls said stuck with me— ‘He could’ve given us any other art form. He could’ve given us a painting but He gave us a book’. I study English literature and creative writing, so the book nerd sprang out of me and jumped for joy because I had never thought of that before. He really could have given us anything, but He decided to give us an entire book talking to us, telling us ways that we can make living a righteous life easier, how to make Him love us, how to love Him, giving us stories about His messengers and their relationships with Him as signs for us to follow and reflect on. subhanallah, it’s inexplicably incredible that we have such a Holy Book with us. thank God I was in the dark during this conversation, so I didn’t have to hide in the bathroom again to cry! we also reflected on the attributes of Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ, and I began talking about how in the past, before Islam, and even today, Allah has been associated with anger and being an angry God. people even scare younger children today, telling them that if they continue misbehaving, Allah is going to be very angry with them. He’s been seen as a punisher and someone you have to be wary of. but then, I talked about how the first attribute mentioned in the Holy Qur’an is Ar-Rahman. The Gracious. that is the first thing we know of Allah when we read the Qur’an for the first time—when we read His words for the first time. the first thing we know about Him is that He is the Most Gracious. isn’t that so beautiful?
I feel so incredibly thankful for how comforting Islam is. this retreat is something I completely needed, and it felt like a gift from Allah because I’ve been having such a hard time lately. it was definitely sad coming back because now i’m back to reality again! but in the moments where it hurts and I cry and feel so much pain, much like today, I find immense solace knowing that Allah is the Most Gracious. that how, through Islam, you’re never alone — whether online or on social media, there are always like-minded people, people with shared goals and dreams, people you can form wonderful connections with, people who want to work on themselves and be righteous and meet Allah in jannah and be reunited with friends and family there— all through Islam. people quite like yourself reading now. through Islam, we’re connected! :)
‘with hardship comes ease’ (94:6) is a verse that is also getting me through at the moment because of how I’m simultaneously feeling happy and overwhelmed with gratitude about Islam and meeting beautiful sisters yet sad and hurt in my personal life. but the fact that both hardship and ease occur at the same time is also a great reminder that this is not the end; this is just the dunya. it’s not perfectly good and full of ease— like jannah. but it’s not perfectly bad and full of hardship either— like jahannam. it’s both full of hardship and ease. my life at the moment is filled with both hardship and ease. i’m sure yours is too. in that itself, I think, is a sign to reflect upon. the fact that there is that balance between hardship and ease, rather than only one of the two, means that it’s not too late, this is not the end yet. there is still time. time to make sure that when it is the end, it’s a life full of perfect ease that we get, time to learn so much more, time to meet more wonderful people, time to get closer with Allah سُبْحَٰنَهُۥ وَتَعَٰلَىٰ, time to try and fix things that went wrong and become better people in the eyes of Allah.
thinking about time reminds me of something I wrote in my journal just yesterday— I’ll share it with you:
‘time will heal. time will heal everything. actually— my bad. Allah will heal. Allah will heal everything. with time. not even saying ‘Insha’Allah’ because I know He will. everything will make sense’.
attribute of the month: An-Nur
on the retreat, we also went on a hike in the forest after Fajr, and I came across this little white tree:
immediately after seeing this tree (I’m not even sure why!), it reminded me of this verse:
Allah is the Light of the heavens and the earth. The similitude of His light is as a lustrous niche, wherein is a lamp. The lamp is in a glass. The glass is as it were a glittering star. It is lit from a blessed tree — an olive — neither of the east nor of the west, whose oil would well-nigh glow forth even though fire touched it not. Light upon light! Allah guides to His light whomsoever He will. And Allah sets forth parables to men, and Allah knows all things full well. (24:36)
I don’t even think this tree is an olive tree, but for some reason, it instantly reminded me of this verse because in the entire green forest, this tree was the only one that had white leaves, and it stood out. it’s the one my eyes went straight to. it made me think that if this white tree were to light up, it would be the only tree that could light up the entire forest, the only tree whose light would be able to guide you. it’s precisely how I pictured the olive tree in my head every time I read the verse, and it was almost as if my thoughts had manifested and come to life by seeing this. it was a lovely reminder of the attribute of the month: An-Nur, the Light.
I’m not quite sure how we got to this point; I just decided to type away for today’s post instead and share a bit of my life and feelings with you guys. I hope that’s okay. I feel pretty authentic to myself typing this right now— feeling both up and down—rather than trying to give the usual advice through my posts when I don’t feel the best in this moment myself. but i’m slowly learning the art of surrendering to Allah. i’m slowly learning what it truly means to surrender. and i’m so immensely excited for ramadan! I pray it heals and transforms us all emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually, Ameen. isn‘t it wonderful how it always comes at the right time? alhamdulillah. He is truly Ar-Rahman.
Grab a Blessing:
Hasbunallahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel x3
(Allah is enough for me and He is the best disposer of my affairs)
Jazakallah for reading. have a wonderful day/night.
— SabrGirl ♡