january '25 - attribute of the month

& one year of SabrGirl!

salam everyone!

it’s been a while - i’ve had crazy deadlines in january and also have been recovering from migraines and poor sleep this month. but, alhamdulillah, i’m back with the first attribute of the year :)

before i get into this month’s attribute, i just wanted to say happy one year of SabrGirl :) this time last year, i was creating my substack account and began writing. thank you for being on this journey with me. for reading my stories and my life experiences. for feeling my emotions with me through the screen and through my words. for showing so much love and support. you’ve made this year of writing so happy and welcoming for me. jazakallah khair. i’m endlessly, eternally and inexplicably grateful ♡.

before spinning the attribute wheel, i was super excited and asked Allah not only to give me one of His beautiful names that will reflect what january will be about but also to kick off the new year with a nice theme. after this, the wheel landed on Al-Muhsee, the Counter, the Reckoner, the One who considers all things in the universe and knows the details of every moment or change.

from the root ha-sad-ya (ح ص ي), muhsee has these arabic connotations: to count, to number, to know everything, to record something.

i thought this was indeed a great theme to kick off the year as, when reflecting on this name, i thought about how Allah counts every single good deed—it’s a great reminder that nothing you do goes unseen, unrecorded and (if good), unrewarded by Al-Muhsee, the Counter.

thinking about Al-Muhsee, i’m reminded of last ramadan. though ramadan was in march-april 2024, my final dissertation project—which was 10,000 words in total— alongside two other assignments, was due in very early may. this meant that by the time ramadan finished, i had about three weeks left until my deadlines.

however, i really struggled during ramadan. i had never completed the entire Holy Qur’an from start to finish during ramadan before and i wanted last year to be the year where i would finally achieve that goal.

yet, i wasn’t prepared for how hard it was and how much time i needed to dedicate for it. i would spend a lot of time reading a certain amount of pages after every single salah to stay on track, which made me have less time to work on my assignments. as a result, i ended up falling heavily behind compared to my peers. when others had finished their projects and were in their editing processes, i was nowhere near done. i wasn’t putting in enough work at all.

this also made me stress a lot about my grades. it was the most important time in my life so far and the grades i got would determine what i would graduate my degree with. some days, i felt like giving up or skipping a day of reading Qur’an to focus on my finals but i was determined to persevere amidst the overwhelm and panic.

alhamdulillah, i did finish the Qur’an during ramadan and i was really proud of myself for finally achieving that goal—it felt really good. but… i had three weeks left until my deadlines. one assignment hadn’t even been written yet, another was only halfway done and i still wasn’t finished with my dissertation—my most important project. i had put a lot of effort and time into the deen but i was so behind in the last push of my final undergraduate year.

in the end, i spent those entire three weeks studying like crazy—i would go to the library at around 6pm and study, would pray maghrib, ishaa and fajr in the library, and go back home when the sun came back up. i tried my absolute hardest in the time that i had left and really pushed myself to the max.

i managed to reach my deadlines without needing any extensions but when i finally submitted everything, i didn’t know what to expect in terms of grades. i just hoped and prayed for the best, knowing that i didn’t put in as much time and effort as i wanted to put in—especially for my dissertation which weighed the most.

but, subhanallah, on results day, i saw that i would be graduating with a first-class degree! and did!

i didn’t get a first in my dissertation, which really upset me (although i did expect it, if i’m honest, with the way i didn’t spend the amount of time i ideally should’ve) and it did very much bring my grade down to the point where i almost didn’t get a first—but since i got a first in everything else, i got a first class overall, alhamdulillah.

and although i can say it’s because of my hard work, which is true, and also the prayers i was making throughout ramadan (and my entire degree) to get this grade—i know for a fact that Allah gave me this grade because of how much i prioritised His Book during a really important time for me. the hardship i faced when trying to balance the deen and dunya during ramadan, along with the stress that came with it, didn’t go unrewarded at all.

the Beloved Prophet ﷺ said:

“Whoever recites a letter from the Book of Allah, he will be credited with a good deed, and a good deed gets a ten-fold reward” (Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2910)

throughout ramadan, even when i was feeling so stressed and overwhelmed about my studies, and also so tired from reading a lot of pages after each salah, i had a feeling inside that Allah would help me with my assignments because of it.

sometimes i was reciting easily, sometimes in stress, sometimes when so tired but Al-Muhsee, the Counter, was there with me and counted every single letter. and i have the strongest and undoubted feeling inside that because i prioritised the deen, He rewarded me with the best grade and the grade i wanted. alhamdulillah.

even during my exam season this month, i felt so happy to be a muslim.

on my campus, there’s a prayer room in a small building just next to the library. every day, i would go to the library around zuhr time and would stay there until around 9pm. and for almost two weeks, i would be seeing the same people leaving the library and walking to the prayer room. we’d leave our laptops and our papers, i’d leave my manuscripts of all my short stories and the accompanying essays on my desk, to go and pray. i’d be smiling at the same sisters who i’d see at asr, maghrib and ishaa, i’d see the same brothers in the lift who were also going to the prayer room, i’d bump into the same people leaving the prayer room as i entered while we all took a break from the dunya to prioritise the deen. it was also encouraging and inspiring—on some days, when i was so focused on my work that i hadn’t noticed the time or realised it was dark now, i’d see a brother putting on his coat and that would remind me to put on my own and go to pray.

and this was in our most stressful hours while we worked on our assignments and/or prepared for our exams and were in the library all day. some of the brothers and sisters i’d see at the prayer room, i would see a few of them while i was leaving at 9pm and they’d still be there with all their papers and notebooks and laptops. may Allah give them all the best grades. but it was beautiful to see and be a part of a collective who detach from the world and prioritise the deen during times where deadlines are approaching and you want to put in all the time you have left into studying.

it’s definitely easy to fall into the mindset of ‘i’ll pray later, i have to study’ or ‘i can’t spend that much time reading Qur’an because i’ll fall behind on xyz’. for some, it makes them not pray at all. but after my experience last year during ramadan, i know that Al-Muhsee is always counting the deeds that we do and will reward us—especially if we’re prioritising Him during times, like exam seasons, where we really want to prioritise the dunya.

“this world is like a shadow. if you try to catch it, you will never be able to do so. if you turn your back towards it, it has no choice but to follow you!”
- Ibn al-Qayyim

prompts/reflections:

• what do you think Al-Muhsee is counting in your life?

• never underestimate the small things you can do for someone else—Al-Muhsee is counting them all. the Prophet ﷺ said that the best deeds are those which are done consistently, even if they are a little (Sunan Ibn Majah 4240). what things can you do for others? smiling at them? holding doors open for them?

• how can you personally prioritise the deen more?

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grab a blessing:

• hasbiyallahu la ilaha illa Huwa alayhi tawakkaltu wa Huwa Rabbul-Arshil-Azeem

  (Allah is sufficient for me. there is none worthy of worship but Him. I have placed my trust in Him and He is the Lord of the Majestic Throne)

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jazakallah for reading ♡. thank you for being patient with me - Insha’Allah i’ll start writing more frequently again. i definitely needed a break from it as i’ve been so busy writing a lot for my assignments and other projects that i’m doing for my masjid too. but how are you all? i pray the new year is treating you well, Insha’Allah, and that you’re trying to stay consistent with your goals!

my goal to wake up for tahajjud once a week is… going okay but i am having migraines again as my sleep has been pretty bad for the majority of this month (and year). i was trying to reset my sleep schedule last week so i woke up for tahajjud twice in one week and stayed awake for the whole day… it made me completely fatigued and drained, which i’m still recovering from. but i’m determined to stay consistent! i can already feel the positive effects from a weekly tahajjud so, alhamdulillah. please keep me and my health in your prayers.

sending a lot of love. until next time,

— SabrGirl ♡.

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